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one day, while hanging out with my fellow apes, i began to grow restless. i had a full belly of groomed ticks, behinds had all sufficiently been sniffed, and bananas hung plentiful from the trees. yet i yearned for something more. you see...i needed poker...so i tried to get a game together, but it was impossible! Larry would always eat his cards, Cindy went all in every hand, (which was her just dancing on the table and kicking all the chips off) and Bob would never check, call, bluff, fold, all in or anything. he would just sit there with his thumb up his nose...
so i have left the jungle behind and learned your human ways so i could finally sit down and have a civilized game of cards.
and i miss my gorilla friends and family, but you guys are pretty ok too...
also, i groom and don't mind being groomed myself, if you know anybody...
also, i play a mean ukulele and am available for weddings and bat mitzvahs